When I Look At You
by Leasel P
Summary: Cuddy thinks about her past life with House and their daughter Maia and she finally has someone to remember with.


**When I Look At You.**

Cuddy twisted a strand of hair around two fingers and looked down at the photo in her hand. She couldn't help but take it out every once in a while. She could feel the tears building up and quickly put the picture away, rubbing her eyes briefly.

She hadn't seen House all day and she wasn't sure if it was because he was deliberately avoiding her or if he was again, doing something illegal. She figured it was a bit of both but didn't really care as long as he wasn't bugging her. By just completely submerging herself into her work she got a lot more done than she had expected. When she finally came up it was dark outside and the hospital looked pretty deserted.

Quickly scanning the clinic she reached back into her desk and pulled the photo out again, this time allowing a few tears to run down her face. She memorized every aspect of the photo and the people in it. She wanted to throw it and watch it shatter into a million piece, she wanted to scream and run until she had no breath left inside her but most of all she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

Being a doctor was her life, she had strived to become the best and had gotten it but even so, a small amount of her still hates all doctors, including herself. She ran her thumb over the face of the child in the picture. Part of the training you have to do to become a doctor is it accept the fact that you will not always be able to save every life.

Cuddy closed her eyes and held the photo close to her heart, sobs still shaking her body. She didn't hear her door open and shut, nor did she hear footsteps walking towards her. The only time she realised there was someone else with her was when she felt a hand on her shoulder and the photo being taken from her.

She watched as House took one look at the photo and placed it in her draw, shutting it hard. The bang made her cringe. She expected him to walk out, but instead her moved to her lounge chair and sat down, motioning for her to join him.

Although hesitant, Cuddy sat down next to him. They sat there in silence for a while before House spoke up.

"Are you going to tell me what you were doing?" His voice was cold and with no emotion so Cuddy just sat there, trying to fight the tears that had began to flow again.

"You waiting for me to tell you that everything's ok, to stop crying because I'm hear now-"

"Go to hell House."

"Stop wallowing in self pity Cuddy, it's not attractive." The look Cuddy gave him was murder.

"How dare you! I'm allowing myself to remember House, something I don't like to do every often and you have no right just walking in here throwing around insults. You have some nerve! Today of all days."

"Oh please Cuddy, stop it. It's sickening."

Cuddy couldn't believe what she was hearing. Yes, House was an arse everyday he lived but this was beyond anything he had ever done before. She just shook her head, totally lost for words.

"Greg she would have been 21 today. We should be celebrating our daughters 21st. I think im allowed to feel a little sorrow." Cuddy's voice was strong but emotion was threatening to break it.

"But we are not because she is not here. She dead Lisa."

"Because you killed her!" As soon as the words left Cuddy's mouth she froze. She didn't mean to say them but House's cold, uncaring attitude and pushed her over the edge. House had frozen too. His eyes were focused on her. She couldn't stand to look at him so she hung her head, the events of that night replaying in her mind.

_#Flashback#_

_Lisa moved around her apartment listening to her father tell her about some student in his class. She wasn't really listening but he didn't seem to mind. This was the first time since Maia had been born that her father had come to visit. He had seen her only twice before. The phone rung and Lisa darted towards it._

"_Lisa speaking."_

"_I can't pick Maia up."_

"_Christ Greg, why not?"_

"_I have to help Dan out."_

"_You have been there all day! What have you been doing?"_

"_Stuff, anyway Lea will drop her round. I'll speak to you when I get home."_

_Lisa heard the dial tone and placed the phone back. She forced a smile to her father and told him Maia would be here soon. _

_#End Flashback#_

The rest of the night was a blur for her. She remembers the call from the hospital telling her to come in immediately. Greg was already there when she arrived. He told her that Lea had been drinking and due to the snow, she had been unable to keep control of the car and it had rolled. Their daughter was in the ER.

The hours that followed would be the worst of there life. They knew the news the doctor was bring before he had opened his mouth. Lisa and Greg had cried together before Lisa turned on him. Her head was a mess and without thinking she began to blame him. If he had gotten Maia she would still be alive. He father tried to calm her down but she was hysterical. All she wanted was to hold her child once more.

After that night every time she looked at Greg she saw Maia and the blame and hatred she felt towards him grew.

"Greg I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that."

"Like hell you didn't." He had moved back down next to her. "But you are right. She would still be here if I had thought about someone other than myself for 5minutes and just went and got her. She never would have gotten into Lea's car."

"Now who wants pity." House couldn't help but smile.

He knew what she saw when she looked at him but when he looked at her he saw their daughter or the women Maia would have become.. They had the same hair, the same face and the same laugh.

"What?" Cuddy was a bit put off at the way he was staring at her.

"Just imagining what she would have looked like today." Cuddy laughed.

"Me?"

"Yup."

"Yer well at least she had something good going for her. She had your attitude at 4!"

They laughed together and for the first time in a long time Cuddy had someone to remember with.

* * *

Another one of my takes on a past Huddy relationship!  
Please review on your way out! 

XxPrincess-LeaselxX


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